Flash Fiction: Have You Seen Muriel?
From Faux Zeitgeist, © Charmaine de Heij
Muriel is not a hundred. She just prefers the old lady names. She was born under a bad sign, but you’ll never get her to tell you which. Her eyes are greener than envy. And her glass castle is a translucent tote bag, which holds the crossword and candy mixed with pills. Muriel’s professed pastimes are naps and men whose names are places that she has already been.
Don’t tell her you like the way her mind works, you’ll insult her, and she’ll get the jumpies. The doorman all adore her and her calico Velveeta. It’s a southern thing, and I wouldn’t understand. But she did teach me that good jeans only fit after a deep set of plies in second position.
When she enters a room, it sounds like stilettos and crackling potato ships because it usually is. All of this must sound terribly strange, Muriel though that it might but that was before. The thing is Muriel is either missing or has joined the circus because those are the only two sides of the coin for girls like us. As you probably know, smart girls grow a second set of teeth when they fall in love for real. So, have you seen Muriel? She disappeared like a warm zephyr, but she’ll back because she left her phone charger. Who would have known that she’s been managing at half-life this entire time?
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