The Cheeky Shag: Gas Station Manifesto

By Michael Kaczmarczyk

© Bogdan Kaczmarczyk

On the ground I find a collection of letters. It looks like someone forgot them.

 The First Read:

 Realize, Empathize, Finalize, Coincide!

 Yours Truly,

 The Ghost of a Man you were many lifetimes ago, who owned a tobacco farm, and two cows, who ate each other when they found that you had been embezzling money and having an affair with the chicken

The Second Read:

 Intentions are never pure!

 Sincerely,

 The Cow who was constantly being fooled into believing that the chicken never laid enough eggs and that milk was all any man ever needed

 P.S   Hamburgers Squirm Too Much, I don’t like them.

The Third Read:

 Never Eat While Being Digested!

 With Love,

 The Chicken who murdered a tobacco farmer, took his embezzled money, sold his land, and drove two cows to eat one another, went on to raise a family in Nevada, just north of Vegas, and forced himself to live many sleepless nights, for his mind was consumed by the screams of a man who could never figure out what he wanted, and the moo’s of two members of a species that managed to leave no tangible evidence that they were ever even on this planet

 P.S   To the man you are today: don’t take shortcuts, and don’t fuck more animals than you can handle

I put the letters back on the floor. I guess I understood why someone left them. I asked the counter man for a cup of coffee. He took a while to give me the coffee, because the hickeys on his neck were from his daughter, and his daughter’s limp was from my pelvis.

 The coffee is really shitty but coffee like pizza it is good for the rat who doesn’t need nutrition but needs to harvest fat, because a man who is fed will never have the drive of a man who is not, and though the coffee is warm it will quickly cool and be shittier than it once was, but I guess everyone grows old, so I don’t mind it so much, I wouldn’t be able to defy nature if I tried either…

Old men are luckier than cold coffee because coffins are padded and don’t have to be placed beside blue bins that say “Please Recycle”.